


Roadside Ministry

by tilda



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blindfolds, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Leather, M/M, Minor Injuries, Rentboys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-14 01:06:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14759675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tilda/pseuds/tilda
Summary: Hux had had him once before. He wasn’t Hux’s type, which was slim and biddable. But when Mitaka wasn’t available and this boy had shrugged and said, ‘I’m free. If you want,’ something had made Hux say yes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a [tumblr ficlet](http://tilda.tumblr.com/post/158241180491/please-tell-us-your-rentboy-au-thoughts-if-you) and, as these things will, grew. Thank you to the anon who made that first enquiry. This is for you, whoever you are.
> 
> Thanks also to [tarteface](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tarteaucitron/pseuds/tarteaucitron) for the beta and for being the best Kylux enabler a girl could wish for.

He hadn’t smiled at Hux like that. He hadn't smiled at Hux at all. He’d taken the money with a curt thanks and got out of the car. But now he was smiling at this girl like he was pleased to see her. 

Hux didn’t know women looked for sex like this, on the street. He imagined - if he’d imagined such a thing before now – they’d do it in shame, at home, online. He might have imagined they were wealthy and well-groomed. Not like this one, with her fraying messenger bag, functional clothes and three ratty ponytails. She looked like a student.  How could she afford... But then the boy was leaning down to hug her, saying something as he did so, then pulling back to wave her happily down the street. Perhaps Hux had been mistaken. 

As the boy turned to go back to his corner, his gaze landed on Hux, sitting in his car, and his expression closed over, ice forming. He squared his shoulders and made his way over. 

Hux had had him once before. He wasn’t Hux’s type, which was slim and biddable. But when Mitaka wasn’t available and this boy had shrugged and said, ‘I’m free. If you want,’ something had made Hux say yes. 

Later, in his car, with the boy bent over his lap, mouth hot and muscular on Hux’s cock, when Hux tried to thrust up and he pushed back, holding Hux down, tongue lavish at the edge of Hux’s balls, he understood why. 

He’d had a momentary vision of being held beneath this surly boy-man, made to forget himself, and something lit up at his core the way it never did with those other boys. 

His name was Kyle. Hux assumed it was fake, one of the usual four-letter syllables street boys took – Brad, Sean, Troy.

He watched Kyle saunter over now, in no hurry. He hunched down to the window as it slid down, fists jammed in the pockets of his tiny jacket. His gaze flickered away as Hux turned to him.

‘Should I get Mitaka?’

‘No.’ Hux looked at Kyle’s mouth.

The boy shrugged and walked around to the passenger side. They drove to one of the usual spots where they wouldn’t be bothered. 

‘I want you to get off too,’ said Hux. Kyle considered him, out of the corner of his eye, head tipped back slightly against the headrest. It wasn’t a gift, it was a test, and Kyle knew it: how much do you want this? How well can you fake wanting it?

‘Ok,’ he said. 

Hux underestimated the effect of seeing Kyle’s hand pumping away in his own lap as he worked his mouth on Hux. It was profoundly arousing. He expected Kyle’s own arousal to make his mouth sloppier, but it remained as powerful and lush as before. Even his orgasm, which Hux detected from the faltering of his arm motions and a deep exhale around Hux’s cock, only briefly interrupted his energetic sucking. His self-control was remarkable.

‘Do you fuck?’ Hux said afterwards, as he slid a fifty from his wallet. 

There was only the slightest hesitation.

‘Sure,’ he said. ‘It’ll be extra though.’

‘I realise that. Do you have a room?’

‘No. There’s a hotel we use.’

~

He’d tried to fuck Mitaka once. It had been hopeless. Mitaka had writhed and panted in Hux’s lap like a twink in bad porn and Hux had ended up shoving him off, unsatisfied. It was just as well. That kind of sex couldn’t properly be carried out in a car. It required a hotel room, extra time, extra money, removal of further items of clothing. Hux preferred to keep things simple.

By the time he was walking down the shabby guesthouse corridor he’d forgotten what had made him change his mind for Kyle. He intended to give Kyle his money and leave. The nondescript corridor – worn paintwork, functional carpet curling away at the skirting boards – was only helping to confirm that decision. 

Kyle opened the door wearing loose trackpants and a singlet, as if fresh from some sort of exercise class, or yoga. He turned to walk back into the room without a word, pointing the remote at the television which lapsed into silence. He was barefoot and his hair was caught up in a messy ponytail. Hux knew it would be different to a street assignation but this was like entering Kyle’s home. 

‘You can put the money on the nightstand,’ Kyle said, dragging the singlet over his head. Hux placed the cash as instructed and turned to leave. 

‘What do you want?’ Kyle said, looking at Hux frankly. Kyle was bare-chested now and there was a sliver of dark pubic hair visible above the waistband. 

Hux should go. Apologise for wasting Kyle’s time and get back to the office. ‘From behind. On the bed,’ he found himself saying. 

‘Ok.’ Kyle swept his trackpants down, stepping neatly out of them and tossing them to the chair in the corner. He came over to Hux and started to pull his tie loose. Hux realised he hadn’t moved since he’d placed the money on the nightstand. ‘I can undress myself,’ he said sharply, tugging his tie from Kyle’s grip. Kyle stepped away. 

By the time he’d removed all his clothes Kyle had snapped on a condom (his erection seemed to appear at will) and was stroking himself with a palmful of lube.

Hux got on the bed, positioning himself on his hands and knees. He could still leave, he thought as he looked at the battered vinyl headboard. He sensed Kyle moving in the room behind him. Then the bed dipped and he felt a hand on his asscheek.

‘Need prep?’

‘No.’

Then the blunt head of Kyle’s cock was at his hole, pushing into Hux, thick and smooth, punching a gasp out of him.

‘Ok?’ Kyle said, holding Hux’s ass, not moving. 

‘Yes,’ Hux said on a strained breath. ‘Please continue.’

Kyle drew out on a long stroke and pushed back in to the hilt. Sparks scattered behind Hux’s eyes. 

‘Fuck, you’re tight, are you su-’

‘Is it a problem?’ Hux bit out. ‘Are you uncomfortable?’

‘No, but-’

‘Get on with it then.’ 

Kyle began to fuck him carefully. Muscles twitched in Hux’s back in response to every pull and drag at his hole. His stomach was clenched and his breath shallow as the breadth of Kyle’s dick spread him open. He had thought he’d be on his way back to his office by now. 

Kyle’s hand was on his shoulder blade suddenly, big, pressing flat, spreading warmth. ‘Jesus, you’re tense,’ he said. Heat seeped into Hux’s skin from Kyle’s palm. It felt unnaturally large, seeming to cover half of Hux’s back. Some of the heat from it seemed to reach his lungs. Hux’s breaths deepened. 

‘I’m fine.’ Hux couldn’t think straight enough to produce a more suitable word. 

Is this what he’d wanted? When he’d said _do you fuck_ the week before? Was it this? 

Kyle’s hands came to rest on Hux’s hips, moving more easily inside Hux now, and Hux let himself be rocked. His elbows began to give way a little. He wanted to lower them and rest his head on his arms.

‘You wanna change it up?’ said Kyle, as if reading his mind. ‘Go on your back? Ride me?’

A treasure chest of images spilled out in his mind at Kyle’s words: Kyle driving into him as Hux dug his heels into the soft flesh of Kyle’s arse; sliding down onto Kyle’s cock, thumbs on Kyle’s nipples.

‘I’ll tell you if I want to move,’ he said. ‘Please keep up the pace.’

Kyle drove into him in regular beats and Hux’s blood pulsed in time. Neither of them made much noise, only a heavier breath from Kyle on his inward strokes. Hux forgot about the tension in his shoulders, lost track of time, aware only of the thick presence of Kyle’s cock inside him, its rough slide hypnotic. 

He brought himself off eventually, brushing Kyle’s hand away, then sank his head onto his folded arms as he got his breath back. He heard the snap of rubber as Kyle removed the condom. Hux pushed himself up onto his knees and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Kyle had disappeared and the bathroom door was closed. He was discreet too, something Hux might not have guessed at.

It would seem that nothing more untoward had resulted from his impulses than an excellent fuck. Perhaps he would even allow himself another meeting with this boy. There was something compelling, almost dangerous about him, and yet he responded without demur to Hux’s instructions. It was like having a tiger under his control. A regular appointment was perhaps excessive, but an occasional indulgence might be acceptable.

When Hux climbed back into his clothes they felt harsh against his sweaty skin. He had been so sure of himself he hadn’t even brought a change of underwear. No matter. There was a shower at his office and a clean shirt in his desk drawer. 

Kyle emerged from the bathroom and was back in his yoga gear. He swept his hair back from his face and dragging an elastic from his wrist around the topknot. It must have come loose at some point. Hux had a momentary vision of the locks of hair swaying as he thrust. 

Kyle picked up the cash on the nightstand and folded the notes without counting them. Hux took his wallet from his back pocket, drew out another fifty, holding it out to Kyle, not putting it on the nightstand. ‘Same time next week,’ he said. ‘An hour.’ 

Kyle took it. There was the same hesitation as the previous week before he said ‘Ok.’ And then added, ‘Not the same time.’ 

~

There were some errors the following week. When Hux was on his back, he felt Kyle’s mouth on his: hot, soft, shockingly close. 

‘No,’ he said roughly, turning his face to the side. 

‘Ok,’ Kyle said, with neither rancour nor surprise. 

‘From behind again, please.’

Wordlessly, Kyle pulled out so Hux could turn over. Hux’s face burned as he fixed his gaze on a faded stain on the sheet below him. ‘I thought the rule was no kissing on the mouth.’

‘Not mine,’ Kyle said. ‘Doesn’t bother me.’

He started to thrust vigorously again.

‘You will refrain with me.’

‘Got it,’ Kyle gasped out.

When Hux had come and Kyle pulled out, Hux turned over and watched Kyle removing the condom. His penis swayed in front of him, the skin taut and shiny, engorged. He thought of Kyle’s retreat to the bathroom the previous week. ‘Finish yourself here,’ he instructed.

Kyle caught his eye for a moment before shrugging and murmuring, ‘Ok.’ Then: ‘You want me to come on you?’ 

Hux had a momentary glimpse of white drops warm on his bare stomach and felt his spent cock twitch. ‘Don’t be crude. On the bed will do.’

Kyle began to stroke himself, looking down at Hux between hooded lids. ‘Crude,’ he murmured. There was something faintly mocking about his expression. 

‘Hold your tongue while you do it,’ Hux said. 

Kyle’s eyes flashed but he said nothing more. When his come pattered onto the sheets, Hux was breathless himself. Kyle glanced at Hux’s cock, now hard again, before pushing away from the edge of the bed with his knees. He slouched over to the chair his sweatpants were draped over and started to drag them on.

When he asked for another meeting the following week, Kyle hesitated again.

‘Uh,’ he said. ‘Is this going to be a regular-type deal?’ he said. 

‘I don’t know. Is it a problem?’

‘It’s just, my boss has kind of a rule. No regular clients.’

‘Does he?’ Hux said, stung that apparently this was not his decision to make. ‘Well, your boss has some strange ideas about how commerce works. But let’s say no, then. Just to set his mind at rest. This won’t be a regular arrangement.’

At the end of each session Hux asked for another, Kyle gave him a different day and time and neither of them mentioned Kyle’s boss’s rule again.

There was little speech. Kyle moved Hux’s body according to his needs or Hux’s occasional brief instructions – ‘no’ or ‘more’. It was, Hux thought, as if they were engaged in a project together, working towards the same goal. Their encounters always took place in daylight, the ugly floral curtains open. At first Hux felt exposed, though they were on the fourth floor and not overlooked, but he quickly came to approve the practice: it kept it business-like, a transaction, not an intimate encounter in the dark.

He got to know Kyle’s body. Large, pale, sculpted, but with a contradictory softness. There was an odd shine at his side that Hux realised eventually was a long knot of scar tissue. Once, he reached out unthinkingly to pass his hand over it, but Kyle gently gripped his wrist and redirected his hand to rest on the bed. 

There were others: on the inside of Kyle’s forearm, on the back of his thigh. There were bruises too, some larger than others, fading and reappearing about his body, that made Hux bite down on sudden questions. The scars were old injuries but these bruises were freshly acquired. Hux wondered what kind of day job Kyle had, and speculated that he might work with heavy machinery – a mechanic, or in a factory.

But of course it was none of his business. He paid Kyle for his body for an agreed upon length of time, nothing more. Hux thought passingly that the term ‘masseur’ wasn’t such a euphemism in Kyle’s case. Hux felt worked over, all tension fucked out of him. It was ideal.


	2. Chapter 2

_‘Been tending to your flock?’ Rey twirled the end of the straw between her lips. They were in the pretentious-ass smoothie place near her dorms. She looked at Ben over the pea-green liquid in her clear plastic cup. ‘Making sure they’re receiving the holy sacrament, or whatever the fuck he calls it?’_

_Snoke referred to their work as a ministry. Rey could never resist mocking. ‘Don’t be uptight,’ Ben said patiently._

_‘I don’t care about the sex work. I just wish you didn’t work for that creep.’_

_‘Mom’s pretty determined to ruin my life. You might get your wish.’_

_He gazed out of the window across the street. Councillor Organa’s mission against Snoke was long-standing. Amongst many of her choice descriptions of him was ‘manipulative Svengali’. Ben and others thought he was profoundly misunderstood. And it wasn’t as if her mission wasn’t personal. She’d raged against Ben’s decision to drop out of college and join Snoke full time from the outset._

_It had seemed like the right thing to do at the time. The fact that his parents, or his mom really, were hitting the roof about it only increased the allure. Snoke seemed to tap into something in him his parents had never understood. Sex was a tool, a medium. It could just as easily be something else._

_A flash of familiar orange caught his eye. There must have been thousands of people in the city with hair that colour, but Ben still honed in without thinking. It_ was _him, having a stand-off with a parking meter. Ben couldn’t have imagined him doing something so ordinary. Did he work near here? Maybe he was having some important meeting. Hux was thumping the slot of the meter with the heel of his hand and frowning as if it had personally failed him. Ben felt some sympathy with the meter._

_‘Hey, what’s with the secret smile, kiddo?’_

_Rey looked like she used to when she’d found blackmail material._

_‘Wanna see that guy I’ve been fucking?’ he said. ‘The regular?’_

_‘Ooh, your illicit meetup. Is he here?’ Rey looked around the smoothie place._

_‘No, dickhead,’ Ben said. He jerked his chin towards the window. ‘He’s across the street. By the parking meter. Redhead.’ Hux was wearing some kind of dark suit, had a scruff of beard and his hair was ruffled in the light breeze. Ben wanted to stare but he kept himself turned away from the window, leaning on his elbow, hand up by his face to shield it. He saw Rey’s eyes widen._

_‘Well, he’s a tall drink of water, isn’t he?’_

_‘With half a lemon squeezed into it.’_

_Rey laughed. ‘Really?’_

_Ben shrugged. ‘He’s kind of an asshole. But I think that’s just surface. He softens up, you know, like old putty.’_

_‘Mmm. Sour old putty. Sounds like a real catch.’_

_‘He’s not a catch,’ Ben said, his heartbeat suddenly feeling complicated. ‘He’s just a john.’_

_‘A john you could get the shit beaten out of you for.’_

_‘Don’t be dramatic.’_

_‘I’ve seen the bruises, Ben. Your boss has got some pretty strong views on “respect”.’_

_Ben took a long swallow of his juice. ‘I’ve got it taken care of.’_

_‘What’s that supposed to mean.’_

_‘I’ve got a plan.’_

_‘Jesus,’ Rey said, shaking her head._

~

There was no answer to Hux’s knock. After a minute or two he tried the handle in exasperation and the door swung open. The room was empty. Had Kyle forgotten or was he late? Perhaps he was playing some sort of idiotic game. Hux hoped not. Scanning the room, he spotted something on the nightstand. He went over and found it was a small phone and a note. 

The phone was one of those ones they sold behind the counter in corner grocery stores. ‘$15 PRE-PAID CREDIT’ the packages shouted, often in red. Hux had always thought they looked so obviously made for illegal use he wondered they weren’t illegal themselves.

The note was a sheet of hotel stationery folded once. Hux opened it. 

_My schedule has gotten complicated. I’ll text you every week. Know this isn’t great. Can give details of others who provide same service if you want. K._

He had a surprisingly good hand. Hux would have assumed Kyle had the childlike scrawl of so many of his generation raised on computers. But the script was simple yet elegant, as if he’d practised.

This was less than satisfactory. That word – _complicated_ – rang alarm bells. Hux thumbed the phone awake and clicked through to the contacts. It was empty, and there were no messages. There was no way of contacting Kyle himself. He would have to wait. He didn’t like this at all. 

He looked at the note again. _Others who provide the same service_. It was certainly an option. He would ask Kyle about it when he saw him next. 

~

The phone was small enough to keep in his trouser pocket. He set it to vibrate. Once or twice he thought he sensed the faint buzz of a message, but when he opened the phone the screen was blank. The cheap model and his increased heart-rate reminded him suddenly, infuriatingly, of high school crushes. 

Then, three days later, the vibration was real. 

The address was a motel on the outskirts of the city. It spoke of someone trying to hide, or evade pursuit. If there was ever a sign that he should tell Kyle he wouldn’t be continuing with their appointments, it was now. 

‘Find the place ok?’ Kyle said when he walked in. 

He had his back to Hux, wearing those familiar pants, drawing an elastic around his topknot. The first thing Hux usually did was count out the cash on the nightstand. Instead he walked over to Kyle and put his arms around him, pressing himself against Kyle’s bare back. He wondered fleetingly what he was doing. Kyle made a quizzical noise. Hux laid his cheek against Kyle’s shoulder blade, opened his mouth against Kyle’s skin, took a small fold of flesh between his teeth and bit carefully. He felt Kyle’s hands cover his own. 

‘Hey,’ said Kyle. ‘You ok?’

‘You should know I don’t approve of this new plan,’ he said pushing away from Kyle, his voice more or less firm.

‘Yeah?’ 

‘However, I’m prepared to give it a trial period.’

Kyle went down on him first, Hux touching his hair which he had loosened from its tie himself. He stroked it as Kyle sucked him, feeling it play over his fingers like water, burying his fingers in it when Kyle rose up to sink inside him. They fucked dreamily, face to face, Kyle suckling a bruise onto his neck until eventually Hux managed to shake himself out of this strange state. He got them into their usual arrangement – on his knees, Kyle behind him – and felt some measure of relief. 

But when Kyle’s strokes changed, became faster, Hux threw out a hand to steady himself on the bed. Before he could prevent himself he had moaned, ‘Yes, don’t stop,’ and Kyle responded with his own full-throated cry and slammed back into him. 

Neither of them were prone to voicing their appetites in such a manner and Hux clutched the sheet, horrified at himself, bunching it between his fingers. He let out short pants of breath through his nose, clenching his teeth as if to cage in any other wayward exclamations.

This new arrangement had clearly produced some inadvisable change in their dynamic. It really would have to end. Next time.

~

The next message arrived late at night the following week, giving a different day and time. Hux wanted to refuse. All of a sudden he felt at the beck and call of this tiny plastic machine.

‘The usual?’ Kyle was doing a couple of stretches, the muscles moving under his skin. The ponytail was in place. Hux had the sudden urge to take it in his hand, feel the smooth weight of it against his palm, and cut it off. He was on edge, having the strangest thoughts. 

‘No,’ he said. ‘Get on the bed.’

He rode Kyle, something he’d never done before. He inched carefully down onto Kyle’s dick, keeping his eyes closed and touching Kyle as little as possible, using only his fingers for balance. He would tell Kyle afterwards, he’d decided, say then that this had been the last time. 

Kyle’s palm was on his hip, preternaturally warm. He pressed up into Hux. 

‘Don’t,’ said Hux. ‘Don’t move.’

‘Ok,’ Kyle said and settled. But it was too late. That thrust had sent Hux’s blood effervescing through him and he began to fuck himself in earnest on Kyle. He moved up and down and Kyle’s dick slid inside him, filling him with its thickness. Hux pressed his eyes more firmly closed, trying to avoid even a glimpse of Kyle, though it made him a little unsteady on his knees. 

As he thought determinedly of Kyle’s colleagues – one of them would be perfectly adequate, he was sure – on the next stroke he overbalanced. Kyle caught his wrist, anchoring him and his eyes flew open. Kyle was looking at him with an unreadable, almost curious expression. Hux felt a flutter of panic. 

‘This isn’t working for me,’ he said as he ground down against Kyle, blurting out what he’d meant to say at the end of the hour. 

‘No?’ Kyle sounded unconcerned, his fingers a hot cuff about Hux’s wrist.

‘No,’ Hux gasped. ‘You’ll have to give me one of those other names you mentioned.’

‘Ok,’ Kyle said easily.

Hux was needled. ‘They’d probably do a better job anyway,’ he said. 

At this Kyle surged up, bringing his face close to Hux’s. His eyes gleamed. He placed his hand at the small of Hux’s back and, using his other arm as a fulcrum, flipped them both. When Hux landed on his back, Kyle was still inside him and he drove back into him, making stars bloom and cascade behind Hux’s eyes. 

He let himself be shoved against the mattress. Kyle’s thrusts were so powerful he didn’t have the leverage to answer them with his own. Even his fingers at Kyle’s shoulders gripped weakly, whatever blood and energy he had all surging below his waist. Kyle’s gaze was soft. Hux closed his eyes against it. 

He knew he wouldn’t take those other numbers. Hux would keep meeting Kyle, keep going wherever the little phone told him to go. 

After a few more strokes he came, his teeth against Kyle’s shoulder, Kyle pressing inside him in time with the spasms.

The colour was high in Kyle’s face as he withdrew and he was still flint hard. Hux couldn’t imagine the control he required not to fuck to his own completion. 

‘Come on me,’ he murmured, so quietly, as if he hoped Kyle wouldn’t hear. But Kyle didn’t need to be told twice. He stripped off the condom and sat back on his heels, stroking himself fast and efficiently until he spilled over Hux’s belly. They regarded each other breathlessly. Hux pictured Kyle smearing the come on him or licking it off. He closed his eyes briefly against the image and got up to wash in the bathroom. 

~

The venues varied wildly in their location and standard. Sometimes it was a rackety motel out of town, sometimes an anonymous travel chain (which were at least cleaner than that old place in the city), and once or twice somewhere approaching four stars. 

The sex became untethered. Hux knew now that this would probably end disastrously in some way or other and had given himself up to it. He let himself go, the grimier the setting, the more debauched he would let himself become. They were in a particularly grubby motel room once, Kyle’s fingers rubbing around his hole. ‘You love this, don’t you?’ Kyle murmured, then stilled, clearly remembering Hux’s previous rubric against dirty talk. 

‘Say it again,’ murmured Hux. Kyle didn’t move for a few moments, then he dipped his fingers inside Hux and spoke again, lower than before. ‘You love this, you filthy slut.’ Hux groaned and spread his thighs to let Kyle in deeper, rubbing his cock against the sheets. It was nothing more than he’d seen in countless cheap videos online. It inflamed him.

The different settings made each encounter seem fleeting, temporary. They were like stage sets, divorced from reality.

It was the depths of winter, after Christmas, when true cold set in. Kyle still wore the leather jacket that Hux had first seen him in. Apparently his one concession to the increased cold was a pair of leather gloves. Hux didn’t know whether this was poverty or bravado, or possibly another rule laid down by his peculiar boss, but they lit up an impulse in him. As Kyle was getting undressed, Hux said, ‘Leave the gloves on.’ 

Kyle’s response was his usual shrugging assent. 

He only knew what he was going to do a fraction of a second before he did it. He knelt in front of Kyle, eyes closed, heart pounding. ‘Put your fingers in my mouth.’ 

There was a short pause and then Hux felt something rest against his lips. He parted them and Kyle’s fingers slid inside. They weren’t the fine, supple leather gloves Hux might have worn, but thick and bulky. He had to drop his jaw and stretch his lips just to take two fingers. The leather tasted metallic on his tongue. Kyle began to move them in slow shallow thrusts, his thumb brushing Hux’s cheek occasionally.

‘Ok?’ he said. 

Hux’s blood thrummed in his veins. This had never been in his catalogue of fantasies. He had never sought out this kind of pornography. He nodded once and then sucked. He reached up to take hold of Kyle’s hand to push it further inside, as if helping Kyle to feed him. ‘You want more?’ Kyle said. Hux had never heard him so gentle. Hux nodded and felt Kyle’s fingers slide all the way out and three slide back in. Hux’s eyes watered and he whimpered. 

‘Oh,’ said Kyle. Then Hux felt an enveloping warmth at the back of his head and he realised Kyle was cupping it with his other hand. He made a wet noise in his nose and opened his throat. Kyle began to fuck Hux’s throat with his fingers in earnest, not violent or shoving, but relentless. Hux held on as if on a fairground ride. A long drop of saliva slid down his chin and cooled on his skin. He groaned softly. He felt depraved. 

Hux became aware of movement. Kyle, he realised, was kneeling on the floor with him. He opened his eyes as Kyle’s face came level with his. Kyle’s expression undid him almost completely. He couldn’t describe it, but it was close to bewilderment. He tugged at Kyle’s hand and Kyle removed it. 

Kyle waited patiently. Hux fixed his gaze on a point past Kyle’s left ear as he made his request. ‘I want you to put them inside me. I mean, my… I’ll reimburse you if they’re ruined,’ he added in a rush, nonsensically.

There was a long pause during which Hux had thought he’d overstepped some bizarre unforeseen boundary. Then Kyle opened his fingers and laid them either side of Hux’s mouth, holding his face. Hux refocussed, compelled to meet Kyle’s gaze. The air was freighted with everything they could have been saying at this moment.

‘Lie down,’ Kyle said eventually. 

Hux didn’t know why he didn’t get on the bed. Instead he lay down naked on the scratchy cheap carpet and waited while Kyle prepared himself. He became aware of his own nakedness, of the size of the room stretching around and above him, and began to feel doubt. 

Then he heard soft footsteps return. He opened his eyes briefly to see Kyle kneeling over him. He felt skin brushing against his inner thighs, gloved hands on his hips as his lower half was lifted. He turned his face to the side, closing his eyes. 

Then Kyle was shoving his thighs under Hux’s, and there was a blunt, slippery weight at his hole. He arched his hips in invitation and bore down to open further, then Kyle’s gloved finger penetrated him, cool, rough. Even one was a stretch, like that first time. He opened his eyes reflexively. Kyle’s face was above him wearing a look of concentration as he edged his finger inside Hux. There was a spark of pain and Hux gasped before letting out a shaky breath. Kyle withdrew and Hux squeezed his eyes shut. The sensation of Kyle between his thighs disappeared altogether. ‘Wait,’ he heard, disappearing across the room.

Hux stared at the ceiling. This had clearly been a mistake. He’d overstepped some boundary, whether it was his or Kyle’s he had no idea, but this was evidently not what he wanted. 

Kyle came back and knelt beside his head. He had a scarf in his hand, Hux’s own, cream silk, fine and delicate. Hux was only ever briefly outside, after all, moving from heated car or cab to his office or home with minimal contact with the bitter air outside. 

Hux thought at first Kyle was going to tie his hands or his feet and he was about to object. But then Kyle started to carefully wrap the fabric around his head, covering his eyes. As true, full darkness enveloped him, Hux let out a breath and his heart-rate calmed. There was a momentary tightening sensation at one temple as Kyle cinched the knot. Then nothing.

‘Ok?’ he said, his lips and breath at Hux’s ear, his voice the barest whisper. 

Hux nodded briefly. He didn’t trust himself with words. There was a swelling sensation in his chest. _Yes_ , his mind echoed. _It was ok._

When Kyle pressed his fingers inside him again, Hux took them, greedy for more. He canted his hips for them, gloved and rough, the folds in the leather creating extra ripples of sensation underneath the rough slide in and out of him. When his eyelids tried to flutter open, they met the soft resistance of silk. He felt it bound against his temple. He was safe. 

He gasped out instructions – more, faster, harder. He lost track of time. Kyle’s thrusts inside him were the only seconds and minutes he understood.

Then there was another whisper at his ear. ‘Do you want to come?’ it said. It was a familiar phrase, it had become Kyle’s diplomatic shorthand for telling Hux his hour was almost over. But then there was something else. ‘Are you going to touch yourself?’ he murmured. He’d never alluded to Hux’s preferred method before. In that voice, it was made to sound outlandishly lewd. 

‘No,’ Hux gasped. ‘No. You do it. Your hand.’

He was sure this was all part of his inability to think straight. He barely knew what would emerge from his mouth from one moment to the next. Hux felt fingers leave his body. He’d always brought himself off, Kyle had never touched him before, hadn’t even sucked him off since that time in the car. 

When it came, his grip was firm and true and made Hux cry out. He’d thought he would come as soon as he was touched, but Kyle held him tight, belaying his orgasm. Hux jerked reflexively inside Kyle’s fist a few times and once he’d passed that premonitory pulse, Kyle began to move his hand, the gentleness scattering electricity along Hux’s nerve endings. It wasn’t long before he came, long and soft, spilling over Kyle’s hand, pulsing in time with his own cries, wrecking the glove. 

He wasn’t aware of himself for a few moments. 

Kyle helped him off with the blindfold. He was wearing his trackpants and the gloves had disappeared. He must have got up to change at some point. As they sat there on the floor together, Kyle combing Hux’s hair roughly back into place with his fingertips, Hux felt a strange peace descend around them. 

Kyle put the scarf in his hand. ‘You’re all set,’ he said. 

‘Thank you,’ Hux replied taking the scarf, delicate in his fingers.

~

It was one of the nicer hotels. Hux tried the door. It was locked. 

‘Can I help you, sir?’

A maid was passing with a cleaning cart. 

‘My…’ He paused. ‘I’m meeting someone. I was given this room number.’

‘That room is vacant.’

‘But I…’ Hux fumbled for the phone.

‘There’s no-one in there. You could ask at reception.’

‘It’s all right. I must have made a mistake.’

Once the maid had rounded the end of the corridor Hux checked the text. 206 it said. Here was room 206. He tried the handle again but it was as locked as it was a minute ago. It wasn’t like the time before. Kyle simply wasn’t here.

Hux went back to his car and laboriously thumbed out a text on the burner phone. _Where are you?_ It looked plaintive and whiny. He didn’t care. He pressed send. 

He waited for a response, or for Kyle to appear outside the hotel, but neither of these things happened, so he drove back to the office. Their appointments were usually in the day, which he passed off to his PA as external meetings, or sometimes to amuse himself, massage therapy appointments. 

He sent another text once he was back at the office. _This is unacceptable. Please make contact immediately._ He was a disappointed client, he told himself, who’d had his time wasted by a feckless service provider. 

The phone was still inert and unresponsive by the end of the day. He thought of sending another text, and then of the silence that would follow. He wasn’t used to having his communications ignored, or his directives not carried out. His authority couldn’t gain traction in this silence. 

Hux considered going back to the corner where he had found Kyle, to see if he was there, to remind him of his obligations, he told himself. But although their appointments had become irregular, Kyle had never even been late. The phone, Kyle’s odd injuries, and now a missed appointment. Hux’s irritation began to curdle into worry.

 _Just let me know you’re ok_ he typed out. He looked at it and thought he was losing his mind. Of course he couldn’t send that.

_I hope you have a good explanation for this_ , he fired off eventually.

Then the following week the phone buzzed in his desk drawer with a time and the location as usual. There was no mention of Kyle’s absence, no apology. Hux was relieved to feel ordinary irritation once more. He stopped himself sending off a volley of annoyed texts. He would reprimand Kyle in person.


	3. Chapter 3

Hux was addressing Kyle’s back. It really wouldn’t do, he was saying. At least Kyle could have acknowledged Hux’s text. This was a minimum requirement for professional communications. Then Kyle turned around and Hux trailed off.

‘I’m sorry about last week,’ Kyle said. ‘I can explain.’

But Hux had forgotten his lecture on telecommunications best practice. There was a dark spreading purple around Kyle’s eye and one side of his mouth was swollen. Hux experienced a surge of some primal emotion unfamiliar to him. When he asked ‘Who did this?’ his voice shook a little.

‘No one,’ Kyle responded nonsensically. He wouldn’t meet Hux’s gaze. ‘Just as well you don’t like to kiss, huh?’ He attempted a smile, but it only made him wince and he lifted his fingers gingerly to his lips.

Hux felt an odd wild helplessness. He approached Kyle, raising his hands then lowering them. Kyle looked away to the corner.

‘Is this your boss?’ Hux said, gesturing to Kyle’s face. Kyle nodded imperceptibly. ‘The one who disapproves of regular clients?’

This snagged Kyle’s attention. ‘It’s ok,’ he said. ‘He doesn’t know.’

Hux shook his head. ‘Nevertheless. You need to report him. There are regulations in place to stop this sort of thing. Surely you know that Councillor Organa was instrumenta - ’

‘I know,’ Kyle said in a steely tone Hux had never heard before. He was looking straight at Hux. ‘Believe me,’ he said more gently. ‘I know what I’m doing.’

This brought Hux back to his senses. Of course Kyle knew what he was doing. He’d been doing this for … well, however long he’d been doing it. It was none of Hux’s business. He sank down onto the edge of the bed.

‘Hey.’ Kyle sat next to him, nudging Hux’s knee with his own. ‘I get it if you don’t wanna do anything.’ He gestured at his face. ‘I’m pretty banged up.’

Hux swallowed a note of ironic laughter. He couldn’t tell Kyle what he wanted to do, how he wanted to press his mouth next to Kyle’s, and then to the cut by his eye. He couldn’t tell Kyle that he was having some deranged impulse to _heal_ him of all things. ‘It’s fine,’ he said. ‘I can’t imagine you feel up to much.’

Kyle took gentle hold of Hux’s wrist and drew Hux’s hand downwards, placing it between his legs. He was half hard in his sweatpants. 

Hux stared at his hand over Kyle’s crotch. A few weeks ago, Hux would have pulled his hand away and asked Kyle what the hell he thought he was doing. 

He looked up into Kyle’s face. His lips were parted, looking closely at Hux, as if waiting for his response. Hux squeezed gently and Kyle sighed, his eyes sinking shut. 

Hux had never really touched Kyle, not with intent. All their encounters were centred on Hux’s needs. Kyle’s desire was intoxicating. Hux slid to his knees, making a space for himself between Kyle’s thighs and leaned forward, pressing his face against Kyle’s crotch. 

‘Jesus,’ Kyle murmured. Hux opened his mouth, rough fabric against his tongue and heard Kyle’s short exhale. This was something at least he could do for Kyle, he thought. He dragged the pants down Kyle’s thighs and took him into his mouth and began to suck. Kyle released a stuttering sigh and Hux felt the gentle weight of Kyle’s hand cradling his head. 

He didn’t know if it was an appropriate response of care for someone with injuries like the ones Kyle sported but he sank into it, taking Kyle to the back of his throat. When Kyle pushed up into his mouth, he rode it, spreading his palms against Kyle’s hips, matching Kyle’s strength with his own. He’d never sucked Kyle off before but suddenly he wanted to do nothing else for the rest of the afternoon. He realised at some point he was still fully dressed, his cock trapped in his pants. He managed to manoeuvre his hand to unzip them but that was all the attention he gave himself in the end, as he wrapped his hand around the base of Kyle’s dick. 

Kyle climaxed with a cry, catching Hux in the cheek with a stray splash of come. It was the first time Kyle hadn’t waited obediently for Hux’s instruction to orgasm. ‘Sorry,’ he murmured as he fell back onto the bed from where he’d been supporting himself on one elbow.

Hux sat back on his heels. He’d come without touching himself at some point. He was a mess. He thumbed the come off his cheek and on an impulse stuck it his mouth. He caught a glint of Kyle’s gaze showing through the slits of his barely open eyes. Kyle half-smiled before closing his eyes completely.

When Hux had finished cleaning himself up as best he could, he emerged from the bathroom to find Kyle sprawled in the same position over the made up bed, eyes shut, breathing deep and even, clearly asleep. Hux stood at the end of the bed in a momentary paralysis. He should wake Kyle. Or leave and go back to the office. He felt his eyelids droop. He crawled onto the bed beside Kyle. 

The sleep was heavy and he was disoriented when he woke: he was at home, the day beginning; no, he was at the office, having napped on the sofa. But the light in the room was wrong and there was a weight around his middle. Kyle’s arm. How long had he been asleep? There was no residual daylight seeping around the closed curtains. He tried to move, but Kyle’s arm tugged him back. Hux could have pulled himself away but instead he sank back and closed his eyes.

He thought about everything that had happened. He should extricate himself while he had the chance. He had no obligations here. Kyle was a grown man, a strong one, able to look after himself. 

Hux’s phone – his work phone – began to ring, the sound piercing the thick air. Kyle’s arm loosened around Hux. Hux answered the call standing in the middle of the room. He listened and responded when necessary. ‘Thank you, Oliver,’ he said at the end and hung up. He noticed two missed call notifications from the same number. He must have slept through them.

‘Who’s Oliver?’

Kyle was lounging on the bed, propped on one elbow. It was none of his business who Oliver was. 

‘My PA.’

‘Are you late?’

‘Yes.’

‘Sorry.’

‘It’s not your fault. I’ll give you extra.’

‘You can’t pay me just for sleeping.’

‘I can pay you for whatever the fuck I like.’

Kyle released a bark of laughter and Hux’s hand shot up to cover his mouth, as if he’d just cursed in front of his great-aunt. Kyle lolled back on his elbows, smiling openly at Hux and Hux felt his own smile grow in helpless response. 

What were they doing? Hux had no idea anymore. They were out in open water now, and he suspected neither of them knew where they were going.

~

It got worse. They began to talk.

They were finishing up once when Kyle made an offhand comment about dropping out of college. As he was tucking in his shirt, Hux asked absent-mindedly, ‘What was your major?’ 

‘Law,’ Kyle replied. Hux’s disbelief must have been palpable. Kyle was amused. ‘I hated it,’ he clarified. ‘It was my parents’ choice. Well, my mom.’

‘No wonder you dropped out.’ 

Kyle shrugged. ‘I want to go back one day.’

‘To do what?

Kyle’s phone beeped, signalling the end of the hour. They both looked at the phone, startled. ‘Philosophy,’ Kyle answered. 

Hux dipped his head to hide a smile, but he was intrigued. 

Another time, they finished earlier than usual.

‘We’ve got twenty minutes,’ Kyle said. ‘I could suck you off before you go.’

‘I’m afraid my recovery time won’t be up to it.’

‘Give me fifty less, then.’

‘Don’t be absurd. It’s fine. You can go.’

There was a silence and Kyle didn’t move. Hux got off the bed and rummaged in his pants pocket for his cigarettes.

‘You smoke.’

‘It’s an occasional vice.’ Hux took one out of the pack, lighting it and tossing the pack on top of his clothes. He moved back towards the bed.

‘I, uh, don’t…’ Kyle shifted uncomfortably under the sheet. 

‘I’ll open a window,’ Hux said, shifting course, snagging the ashtray on his way. He wrestled the window open, lit cigarette between his fingers. 

Hux breathed in the damp air of the mid-afternoon city, a grey day, no hint of the spring suggested by the crocuses opening in the park. He rested his hip against the window sill, turning now and then to blow smoke out of the window. Kyle sat against the headboard, sheet across his lap, ankles crossed. He had his money, Hux had his service. Neither of them had any reason to stay any longer. 

‘So you dropped out,’ Hux said. ‘Your parents can’t have been wild about that.’ 

‘Not especially,’ Kyle said. ‘My mom hates Snoke.’

‘Snoke? Is that your boss? Tell me about him.’

Kyle shrugged. ‘I needed some cash,’ he said. ‘Mitaka was in my class and said he knew a way to earn a lot, easily and quickly.’

‘And you jumped on it.’

‘Not right away. I hated the idea of some sleazeball patting me on the ass and using me. But Snoke wasn’t like other, ah, I guess, pimps. He didn’t just send us out there and take the money. He used to give us talks. Tell us that what we were doing had a purpose.’

‘A purpose?’

‘Yeah.’ 

‘What kind of purpose? I mean, apart from the obvious.’

Kyle looked shifty. ‘This is gonna sound… uh.’

Hux gestured with his cigarette. ‘Go on,’ he said, even though he wasn’t sure he wanted him to. 

‘He said sex was a conduit for a higher power.’ 

Hux snorted. Kyle glanced briefly at him and pressed on. ‘He said that we were kind of like ministers. He said it was a holy duty. That’s what he called it.’

‘A holy duty,’ Hux breathed out around the final puff of his cigarette and ground the butt out. ‘And you believe this?’

‘I used to. It made sense. I felt like I had some power, and it was to do with my body and how I use it. And Snoke made sense of it for me.’

It was utter nonsense, and yet. 

Hux only had to remember his own response to Kyle that second time, the time he’d walked in the room fully prepared to walk straight out, and instead he’d spread himself out on the bed and let Kyle fuck him with barely a murmur. The impulse had come from within him, there was no question of coercion, but it was in response to something in Kyle that he’d never experienced before.

‘And you use this … power, on everyone,’ Hux said. ‘In all your encounters.’

Kyle shrugged. ‘Mostly.’ 

As Hux knew it would, a matchstrike of jealousy flared up in him. ‘And what about your injuries the other week?’ 

‘He nearly found out about this.’ Kyle gestured lightly between himself and Hux. ‘I managed to put him off, but.’ He fell silent for a moment. ‘He said I had been selfish,’ he went on. ‘That I had restricted the power’s movement. I was turning my body into a dead end, he said. He got angry. He doesn’t walk so well now and he has a stick. Like, a cane.’ 

Hux waited for Kyle to continue, but all he said was, ‘He forgets himself sometimes.’ 

Without his articulating it fully, it was clear what Kyle meant. Hux imagined the cane rising and coming down against the soft flesh of Kyle’s mouth.

The beep sounded, Kyle’s phone on the nightstand lighting up briefly. It was just as well. Hux was livid: at the irrational claptrap peddled by this charlatan, at his lack of physical restraint. 

These exchanges began to happen more often. Something had broken open between them and it seemed that neither of them could stop what spilled out. Sometimes Hux would smoke out of the window, sometimes he would stay in bed, lying on his side next to Kyle, leaning on his elbow as he listened. He heard about Kyle’s parents, his estrangement from them. Kyle heard about Hux’s own schooling, his difficult father, his long-gone mother.

‘My cousin’s British,’ Kyle said once when Hux had told him where he was from. 

‘That girl with the odd hairstyle.’

‘Yeah, Ray.’ Kyle half-smiled. 

‘Unusual name for a girl.’

‘Her parents were kind of weird.’

~

Hux held tightly to the fact that he was paying Kyle. Kyle was doing his job: humouring Hux by answering his questions with what may or may not have been the truth, politely listening when Hux shared his own stories. It didn’t mean anything.

And he clung to other barriers they had not crossed. Even when Kyle rose up towards him when Hux was riding him, perhaps in deliberate provocation, bringing their bodies together so their gazes locked and their mouths were close enough to exchange breaths. He knew Kyle was waiting for him to make the slightest move to close the distance between them. He knew too that Kyle would never make the move himself. 

To remind himself of who Kyle was, of what he was, he began making visits to the street corner where they first met. He sat in his car at a safe distance and watched Kyle work, knowing it was both risky and wrong, unable to stop himself. He recognised the familiar gestures and expressions now directed at others. He noted the jealousy that flickered up painfully in him with something like fascination.

It wasn’t only that of course, it was the confirmation that these things meant nothing when Kyle was with him. Hux understood that though the arrangement may have been exceptional for Kyle, Hux himself was unexceptional, one of many.


	4. Chapter 4

_‘These are nice.’ Rey reached out to brush her fingers over the new gloves Ben was wearing. ‘Expensive,’ she added lightly._

_Ben shrugged. Rey settled back on the bench, breath clouding in the cold air and curled her hands more tightly around her cup. She cut her gaze back to him. ‘Your dad slip you some cash?’_

_Ben didn’t answer. Rey had to know how unlikely this would be. She took a sip of her drink, some kind of coffee. Ben had green tea. She didn’t push._

_The gloves had been wrapped in tissue paper in a box, longish and flat. Ben had found it on the nightstand after Hux had left one time. He thought at first it must belong to one of the room’s previous occupants, but then he saw a small piece of card resting on the lid, his name – his other name – written on it. He took in the sharp ‘k’, the curtailed loop of the ‘y’ and knew it was Hux’s handwriting._

_They weren’t anything he would have bought for himself. He’d got the old ones (the ones he’d ended up using on Hux) in a thrift store because they were warm. These ones nestled in tissue, the leather soft as milk, too elegant for him. They fit perfectly though, and he quickly became addicted to the tight caress of them. Even the box was beautiful. He had kept it, on a shelf in his room, the card inside._

_‘Why can’t you just leave Snoke?’ Rey’s words broke in on his thoughts. ‘Take Red with you?’_

_‘I can’t leave him. He’d lose his shit, take it out on the others. Anyway, he knows about Hux. Knows where he…’ Ben trailed off._

_‘Where what? Where he_ lives _?’ Ben looked away. ‘Has he_ threatened _him? Shit Ben, you’ve got to leave, you’ve got to tell - ’_

_‘It’s ok,’ he snapped. ‘I know what I’m doing.’_

_Rey shook her head. ‘Do you?’ she said, gesturing with her coffee. ‘Really?’_

_He did. Even if protecting Hux meant hurting himself in the process._

_It’d be ok. He’d be ok._

~

Hux paused at the door, having shut it quietly. Kyle was on the edge of the bed in his outdoor clothes, hands stuffed into his jacket-pockets. He glanced at Hux then away, jiggling his knee up and down. ‘Hi,’ he said. His jaw compressed briefly. 

Hux’s head filled with static. Something was awry. ‘Kyle?’ 

‘We have to stop meeting.’

Hux said nothing. 

‘Snoke’s found out’

‘I see.’

‘You know he doesn’t like us to have regular clients.’

‘They’re a drain on your _holy spirit_ or whatever he calls it.’ 

Hux couldn’t stop the bitterness. _You mean he’s a psychotically jealous control freak who doesn’t want to risk his little sex apostles experiencing any outside influence._

He might have expected some defensive reaction to his tone but Kyle just said _yeah_ , his gaze fixed to the floor.

‘Couldn’t you have put him off the track? You did before.’

‘He’s found out that…’ Kyle broke off. ‘No. I couldn’t. He knows.’

‘Well. That’s a pity.’ 

It was as inadequate as any other word Hux could have used.

Kyle got up from the bed, his hand rummaging in one of his pockets. He held something out towards Hux. It was a business card. ‘There’s a couple of guys I know who can give you what you need.’

Hux took the card without looking at it. Kyle didn’t move for a moment and they stood there, looking at each other wordlessly, before Kyle brushed past him to the door. Hux didn’t turn to watch him leave. He felt as if he’d been spelled motionless. Eventually he heard the door close softly, then he was alone. He found himself sinking to his knees and pressing his forehead to the rough hotel carpet. 

After a few minutes, he got up and wiped his mouth. He went to the bathroom and splashed water on his face, looked in the mirror and composed his features as best he could. Back in the room he noticed the business card Kyle had handed him on the floor. He picked it up and tucked it unthinkingly into his wallet. He took one last look around the room, not lingering on the bed. But they had only been here a few minutes, so there was nothing forgotten. No watch or sock or phone. Only an empty anonymous hotel room. 

He left it and went back to work.

~

He completed the day’s work in an automated state. For the moment he appreciated the numbness. He sent Oliver home. When he looked up it was midnight. He slept on the couch in his office, using his private bathroom the next morning for a cursory wash. There was a fresh shirt in the bottom drawer of his desk. He’d done this before, when the volume of work or a crucial deadline had justified it. He made sure he was at his desk before Oliver arrived.

This was the pattern for a while. He moved through his days much as he had before Kyle, even emptier of feeling. The experience wasn’t completely unfamiliar. He knew this was the quiet of the tide going out, being sucked back into the ocean, gathering power.

He’d had a lover once, in his final year at Durham. The boy came from wealth, unlike Hux, and had to hide the affair from his family. Hux thought it was this that gave it a kind of borrowed thrill for them. At the end of their studies, the boy had gone back to his fiancée and his family, as expected. But the affair must have cut deeper than he’d realised because a couple of weeks later, like the delay between getting kicked in the balls and the resulting pain, Hux had been winded by heartbreak. 

For now, he had his work, his apartment, his basic social life. He spent more time than usual at the gym. He thought occasionally of the little card in his wallet. When Kyle had given it to him he’d wanted to throw it back at him or tear it up. The idea of someone else taking Kyle’s place was laughable, meaningless. Now he thought of calling the numbers. He wondered if those men worked for Snoke too. He wondered if they knew Kyle, if Hux could ask them for news of him, of how he was. And then he realised he was supposed to call them for sex, not to ask after Kyle. 

He found, for a while, it was easier to believe Kyle had bewitched him in some way, to believe in those ‘powers’ of his, that Hux was under their sway. That meant he could believe the longer he stayed away, the weaker Kyle’s hold was over him, the weaker this attachment grew, and Hux would return to his former self. 

He no longer sought out sex, either online or on the streets, as he used to. His only sexual activity was a functional daily wank, during which he was careful not to think of Kyle. His fantasies were generic, the men in them faceless. They worked, in the same way that a protein bar worked as food. It could take an age for him to come of course, until one night in the bathroom a sliver of memory slipped through – of Kyle’s hand, the precise pressure and rhythm of it – and he was tipped powerfully and quickly into orgasm. 

After that he stopped resisting and thought of Kyle every time he reached for himself, old memories, fresh fantasies. Of Kyle’s hands on him, his sure movements, his heavy grace. Hux didn’t bother to police himself and let it all flood in. Here was the pain then, the tsunami. 

He remembered too the times Kyle lingered when he didn’t have to, when Hux had come and he’d been paid. He remembered their talk. He remembered Kyle handing him his own sock once, from where it had fallen under the bed. He remembered it all and knew there had been no bewitchment.

~

Hux shook out his morning copy of _The Globe_. There was a headline at the bottom of page two. 

COUNCILLOR ORGANA IN CRUSADE AGAINST SEX-WORK OFFENDERS 

The article reported on an initiative Councillor Organa had announced to crack down on unregulated sexwork. However, it was a word in the second paragraph that had caught Hux’s eye, a name that sent a needle of alarm spiking through him.

> _There are a small number of sex-workers under the influence of an unscrupulous procurer named Snoke. He is understood to engage in illegal practices such as withholding of wages and threats of violence, once common-place in sex-work management, now almost unheard of._

There was no direct link made between Organa’s directive and Snoke but by juxtaposing the two in succeeding paragraphs the journalist had cleverly implied one. The rest of the piece went on to detail the measures Organa would be taking – police patrolling specific areas, properties used for illegal practices identified and targeted in raids.

Hux thought of Kyle – being caught in one of these raids, or hauled off the street into a police vehicle. He’d be freed from Snoke but into what prison cell? Kyle was physically powerful, but Hux had learnt over the past few months that there was something innocent and simple in the way he interacted with the world. It seemed to Hux that Kyle could be in genuine danger.

~

Hux peered through his windscreen, raindrops refracting the streetlights. Combined with the darkness they made visibility almost nil. What was he doing here? Did he think he could rescue Kyle? Was he going to bundle him into the car and take him away from all this? The knowledge of the futility of his actions had no effect apparently. Here he was, hoping for…something. A glimpse, a word, some indication that Kyle was at least safe. 

A shape broke away from the cluster of colours in the bottom left of the windscreen. A moment later there was a soft knuckle rap and Hux was winding down the window. Kyle hunched down towards him, hair damp from the light rain, reminding Hux of that first time. Kyle’s expression was just as surly. ‘You can’t be here.’ His tone was irritated, urgent.

‘I’m sorry. I just… Are you ok?’

Kyle ducked his head, looking to the side. ‘Yeah,’ he mumbled. The skin around his eye was yellow with bruising. ‘Look, the place is crawling with cops.’

‘I don’t care.’

‘You should care.’ Kyle was almost angry. Hux registered this but all he could focus on was Kyle’s hand resting on the ledge of the car window, his thumb lying fractions of an inch from Hux’s little finger. Hux could make the slightest movement and they would be touching. Hux had told himself he just wanted to make sure Kyle was ok, alive at least, walking. He’d verified this, but now he was in Kyle’s physical presence, it wasn’t enough.

‘Can you get away?’ he blurted. ‘A hotel?’ 

Clearly he’d lost his mind. This was stupid, reckless, and what’s more meaningless – it would be just another fuck he’d paid for. But apparently he didn’t care. If that was all he could have then he’d take it.

‘No,’ Kyle said. ‘He’ll see you. They’ll follow us.’

‘Who’ll follow us? This is ridiculous.’

‘You don’t know...’

‘Don’t know what?’

‘Nothing.’ Kyle looked up the street for a moment, thinking. His thumb tapped out a little rhythm. Finally he swung his gaze back to Hux. ‘There’s a McDonald’s three blocks south of here. Meet me in half an hour.’

_A McDonald’s?_ Hux nearly squeaked, but the look on Kyle’s face stopped him. It was desperate, miserable and Hux had already ruined his life enough by coming here. ‘All right,’ he said.

~

Hux sipped at the volcanically hot brown liquid in the paper cup, barely registering it as coffee. He’d waited in the car until the last minute, not wanting to spend a second more than he had to in this place. He sat in the back, eyes fixed on the glass entrance door. When Kyle pushed it open and scanned the room, Hux tried not to believe the expressions that crossed Kyle’s face were anticipation or relief, let alone joy. 

Kyle wove between the plastic chairs and tables fixed to the floor, filled with other diners. He sat down opposite Hux, only half on the chair, looking ready to bolt any second. ‘Why did you sit all the way in the back here?’

‘I didn’t want to be seen.’ 

‘The handicapped bathroom is on the other side.’ Kyle gestured with his head towards the opposite corner.

‘The what?’ Hux thought madly that Kyle was making some weirdly misplaced personal slur before he realised what Kyle was saying. ‘I’m not going in there.’ 

‘What did you come for then?’ 

‘The sparkling conversation,’ Hux snapped. This visibly raised Kyle’s hackles, but it was true. He wanted sex, but he wanted their talk too. He wanted time, he wanted weeks and months of Kyle, whenever he chose. He wanted all of it. He didn’t know how to say a quick fuck in a toilet stall wasn’t enough. 

So when, a moment later, Kyle got up and started to make his way across the room, he followed.

They fucked against the wall, Kyle pressed against Hux’s back, his arse canted at just the right angle. It was electrifying. Hux moaned and Kyle grabbed his hips and hissed ‘Shut up,’ in his ear as he thrust into him. Then, gentling, ‘You’ve got to stay quiet.’ Hux pushed back against him, as deep as Kyle was, unsatisfied. 

Kyle made his own strange noise low in his throat and was suddenly shoving Hux’s shirt and jacket up around his ears. Hux began to protest but then Kyle’s bare chest pressed close against his back, silencing him. Kyle let out a loud whimper and snaked both arms around Hux’s chest pulling him tightly against him. It was Hux’s turn to shush him, but Kyle’s chest was warm against him and he came with Kyle’s perfect grip on his cock, and Kyle’s stuttered breaths of orgasm in his ear. 

They unstuck themselves carefully. Kyle dropped the spent condom into the toilet bowl and picked up the t-shirt he had shed earlier. After belting his trousers, Hux took his wallet from his inside jacket pocket, feeling sick as he fumbled out some cash. This was what they were, the reality of them, cold and crumpled as the notes in his hand. 

‘No,’ Kyle said quietly. 

‘How much do you want then?’ Hux pulled all the cash he had out of his wallet. He didn’t know how much was there, maybe five hundred. He held it out to Kyle feeling slightly unhinged. 

Kyle didn’t reach for it, didn’t even look at it. ‘I don’t want it,’ he said. 

There was a pounding on the door making them both jump. ‘Hey! You done in there?’

Hux was suddenly, mortifyingly, on the edge of tears. ‘What do you want? Name it, I’ll - ’

But Kyle took Hux’s lapels in his fists, dragged him close and cut him off with his mouth. It was a bruising, punishing kiss, penetrating Hux. Hux went limp with the force of it and clung pathetically to Kyle’s shirt until Kyle pulled away. His mouth twisted with some emotion and he said something so quiet and fast Hux didn’t catch it. There was more banging. ‘Hurry up in there!’ 

And then Kyle was unlocking the door and an angry man was raising his fist to hammer on the door again. ‘Two of you. I might have – ’ But Kyle shoved him aside and they were stumbling through the restaurant.

When they emerged onto the street Kyle turned to Hux. ‘I have to go.’ 

Hux looked at the fading black eye, remembered the other one. He felt as if he was sending Kyle off to war, with no way of contacting him or knowing if he was ok. ‘Arkanis Group,’ he said. ‘1109 First Avenue.’

‘What?’ 

‘It’s my office. Eleven Oh Nine First Avenue,’ Hux said again slowly, hoping it would somehow sink into Kyle’s brain by sheer repetition. ‘We have lawyers, excellent ones. If you ever need anything. Please.’ Kyle looked at him as Hux babbled, his expression strangely pitying. 

‘Ok,’ he said when Hux finished. ‘Thanks.’

Then he turned and Hux watched him walk down the street until he was lost from view. In the stillness of his departure the mumbled phrase he’d spoken earlier resolved itself into separate words. 

‘Everything you can’t give me,’ Kyle had said.


	5. Chapter 5

_Ben carried the imprint of Hux’s mouth against his for the rest of the day. He found himself lifting his hand to his lips every now and then, touching them, covering them, as if to protect the feeling. And it protected him, or seemed to, for the rest of the night: from the hand and mouthprints of four clients, from the rain, even from his uncertain future. He could bear all of it with the memory of Hux’s body against his. It even warmed the cold pool that had formed inside him when Hux had tried to give him money._

_He hunched against the rain on the way home and hoped he could carry it with him into the police lock-up or wherever else he ended up. He thought he’d got through to Hux. Maybe he had. Or maybe Hux didn’t share his feelings. When Kyle had finished things in the hotel room Hux had hardly spoken. ‘A pity,’ he’d said._

_Maybe it was classic British understatement. Maybe that was all he really did think: that it was an inconvenience. Fine. That was fine then. Ben would take that. Maybe it made it easier than thinking there might have been anything else, as he used to when Hux stayed to smoke, to talk, to lie close to Ben beyond any physical need to._

_Those memories still flickered in the back of his mind, as well as the more recent one of Hux showing up in the rain in his car, looking, there was no other way to describe it, worried. He returned to them helplessly, and they gave him an awful treacherous hope. That one day, when all this was over, whenever he was past whatever this was going to throw at him, he’d be able to have Hux in the way he wanted, not for money but for something he couldn’t bring himself to name._

~

It was easier this time. There was no troubled self-recrimination, no pawing tearfully through old memories. Hux sealed everything to do with Kyle in his mind behind a locked door, the key metaphorically hurled into the sea.

Hux remembered Oliver’s birthday and had an orchid delivered to his desk. He noted his blush as he stammered his thanks, and the continued presence of the orchid on his desk. Perhaps if Oliver ever got promoted and dumped that disastrous boyfriend of his Hux would consider taking him out for dinner. 

There was an uptick in the frequency of news regarding Councillor Organa and Snoke. Scrupulously, Hux paid it the same amount of attention as other news stories. He didn’t search for it first, nor did he linger any longer on it than say, the latest developments in Washington, or an earthquake in South America.

Except one morning there was a photograph underneath the headline. _Councillor’s Estranged Son Discovered in Snoke’s Lair_ , Hux read with a spike in interest, then looked at the picture. Councillor Organa addressed a bouquet of microphones and behind her, looking out from under a shaggy lock of dark hair, stood Kyle.

Hux got up from his desk, went to his bathroom and threw up his breakfast into the toilet. He leant his hot cheek against the tile of the bathroom wall and pressed the flush-button. It was seeing Kyle’s face without warning as much as the news itself. He caught his breath then went to the sink and splashed water on his face. As he lowered the towel from his face he saw himself, pale grey in the mirror. 

He folded the newspaper away into a drawer and put it out of his mind. At the end of the day he took the paper home with him, laid it out on the kitchen counter and read the whole piece from beginning to end. 

Of course it fitted everything Kyle had said – the demanding parents, the dispute. His cousin – the girl with the unusual hair arrangement – was of course Rey Skywalker. And Kyle was not Kyle. He was Ben Solo, scion of one of the most powerful families in the city. Of course he’d looked pityingly at Hux when he’d made his babbled offer of his company’s lawyers. Kyle had access to his family’s own excellent lawyers. _Ben_ had access. 

He couldn’t get the names straight, he couldn’t think of Kyle as Ben. Perhaps it was just as well. Perhaps Hux had only known Kyle and not Ben. So be it. He would be Kyle to Hux. That way (though he knew this was a dangerous mental path to pursue) Kyle could belong to him. Ben the public figure, belonging in the newspaper, his name and story known to everyone; Kyle, the boy he’d fucked in a damp hotel-room between imperfectly cleaned sheets, known only to Hux. 

Ben, it seemed, had made a deal. Everything he knew about Snoke for a reduced sentence – suspended plus a work program (something about teaching young people martial arts at a centre downtown). He had been welcomed back into the loving arms of his family, though this wasn’t quite evident in the picture, in which Ben ( _Kyle_ ) looked as sullen as Hux had ever known him. 

Hux let himself pore over the photograph. He’d thought watching Kyle disappear around that street corner would be the last time he’d see him. Apparently this was to be his last glimpse. Grainy black and white, half-hidden by thick hair, he looked uncertain of his future. He’d been saved from both Snoke and the imagined horror of a prison cell, but what was this alternative? From the way he had spoken about his family Hux couldn’t imagine Ben/Kyle being content with whatever they offered.

Hux closed his eyes to shut out the picture and sat up straight on his kitchen stool. It was none of his business. Kyle ( _Ben_ ) would disappear back into his family and their world, find a way to make peace with them. Hux was only a few years older than him but recognised Kyle’s reluctance as an adolescent petulance he would grow out of. He would find his own way eventually, and put his sordid past behind him. 

And there lay the end of it for Hux. Kyle was safe and, if not happy, at least alive and unharmed. He resisted the urge to keep the newspaper page with the photograph as a last memento. He folded it up carefully, making a fist and drawing it along the creases as if to contain something inside. He took it out to the trash-can in the front yard, and the lid banged shut with the satisfying sound of an ending.

~

_It had been garbage collection at first, before his mom stepped in. She managed to swing the community centre gig for him – closely supervised of course. He guessed having a mom in her position had its advantages._

_The kids had a lot of energy. He watched them kick their way across the room, yelling in time with their kicks. It was the last thing he made them do at the end of class and they always finished up red-faced and out of breath, some of them giggling. There was a quiet, angry boy Ben kept a closer eye on than the others._

_He still went back to the shitty room he’d had working for Snoke. His mom didn’t like it, but it wasn’t too bad and the alternative was moving back to his old room in her apartment._

_He’d tried to text the old burner phone but got ‘number not recognised’ in return. He still met Rey at the smoothie place and every time he kept his eye on the street, hoping Hux might have parked nearby again, but he never appeared. He almost took out a Craigslist ad._

_It was probably a bad idea anyway. Hux might be down for some nasty stuff in a hotel room, but if Ben’s experience was anything to go by, those kinds of guys didn’t want their dirty fucks to be the same person as their nice dates. Mitaka was a nice date. Ben was there for the other stuff. A sneaky little voice in the back of his head tried to tell him that Hux wasn’t like those other guys, but Ben did his best to ignore it._

_He thought a lot about their final encounter, returning to it like he was picking at a scab, remembering Hux’s face, his own desperation. He barely remembered any words they spoke. Those final bleak moments on the sidewalk outside McDonald’s._

_And then a slow dawning: Hux’s voice repeating numbers and a street name. His office, a promise of help._ Jerk _, Ben whispered savagely to himself as certainty settled. How had it taken him so long to remember?_

~

Hux heard his office door close gently. Oliver was standing on the inside of it, fingers resting lightly on the handle. ‘Sir,’ he said quietly.

Oliver had many exceptional qualities as a PA: organised down to the last paperclip, discreet as a celebrity hairdresser, and always extremely well turned-out. However, he did have a problem with the unexpected or unannounced, and Hux suspected this was one of those occasions. 

‘Ben Organa-Solo is outside,’ he said. ‘He doesn’t have an appointment but has asked to see you.’ Hux could see discretion at war with wild curiosity in Oliver’s neat face. The latter won out. ‘Forgive me sir, but do you know him?’ 

Oliver, at that moment, was not the only one who had a problem with the unexpected. 

When Hux didn’t respond for a few moments, Oliver tried tentatively, ‘You have fifteen minutes at three…?’

‘It’s all right. I’ll see him. Give me a minute or two.’

‘Of course, sir,’ he said, and vanished the way he had come.

Hux got up and paced to the window, looked out of it for a moment, his hands clasped behind his back. Ben Solo. _Kyle._

He had not expected to see him again. His mind was uncharacteristically disordered, a darting rabbit of speculation; his body a tumult for other reasons. He tried to take a few calming breaths through his nose. This minute of respite had not benefited him. 

He paced back to his desk and pressed the intercom button. ‘Thank you,’ he said into it. A moment later the door opened and there stood Kyle. Ben.

He’d rarely seen Kyle in what would pass for ordinary street clothes. He was usually in soft trackpants or naked. Whatever clothes he did wear were always worn and faded. These were not. They were well cut, in fabrics that hung beautifully in muted colours. They could have been exercise clothes but were clearly not. Soft pants with an oddly cut top, an asymmetrical collar revealing a tighter fitting garment beneath. Hux was tall, but Ben still managed to be imposing. 

‘Hey,’ he said. His voice was familiar at least, his manner as quiet and direct as ever. 

‘Hello,’ said Hux. He didn’t know what to do with his hands. He’d lifted them off the desk, thinking he ought to make some gesture, but nothing seemed appropriate. He lowered them again. ‘How are you?’

‘Good.’ Ben nodded, as if confirming this to himself. Then after a moment he looked as if he’d just remembered the correct response. ‘And you?’ he said. Hux inclined his head in a kind of affirmative. He hadn’t been good for some time, and whatever he was now, it wasn’t that.

‘You gave me your address.’

‘I did. You seem quite well supplied with lawyers though. How can I help?’ 

‘I came to see you.’ 

Hux’s face heated. The positioning of a paperweight on his desk suddenly became of utmost interest. ‘I saw the news,’ he went on. ‘It must have been quite a relief.’ 

‘Yeah. Kind of got lucky there.’

‘If having a mother who’s the most powerful person in the city can be counted as luck.’ Hux looked up with an ironic brow.

‘I guess.’

They stood opposite each other for a moment, both of them apparently having run through their short supply of words. Then they both spoke at the same time.

‘Kyle. Ben - ’

‘Look, I’m sorry - ’

The blood pounded in Hux’s face. This was excruciating. He couldn’t settle on one name. At first he had been unquestionably Ben, but just a few minutes with him and Ben-Kyle shifted between identities, almost before Hux’s eyes. One moment the charismatic hooker, the next the spoilt prince.

‘What should I call you?’

‘What do you want to call me?’

And this was Kyle, without a doubt. His voice had dropped low and quiet, making the room seem a shade or two darker. They were standing either side of his desk, but suddenly it seemed the width of an ocean. The thought occurred to Hux that he had never kissed anyone in his office before. 

His desk-phone chirruped briefly. ‘Your twelve o’clock is here, sir.’

He pressed the intercom button. ‘Thank you, Oliver. I shall be out presently.’ 

Kyle was looking at him when he straightened up. There was the promise of a smile behind his eyes. ‘Cancel it,’ he said.

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘Cancel the rest of the day. Play hooky with me.’ The smile was touching his mouth now.

‘I’m afraid that’s impossible.’ Hux could feel his heartbeat in his ears. 

The smile spread into a grin. ‘You’re no fun.’

‘No, I’m not,’ Hux agreed stiffly. ‘I thought you might have realised that by now.’

‘Actually,’ Kyle said, his voice swooping back down to that low pitch. ‘The opposite.’

Hux’s body thrummed. He would have to get Kyle out of his office if he wasn’t going to end up having sex across his desk in full view of his next client.

He wasn’t sure what they’d agreed to by the time Kyle left and it was only later in the afternoon that he realised they hadn’t even exchanged phone numbers. (He’d finally wiped the burner phone and snapped it ceremoniously in two a couple of weeks before.) He still had meetings to get through. It wasn’t anything he could think about right then. 

~

Hux didn’t spot him at first. He had finished for the day and was walking across the concrete plaza outside his building, past the polite fountain and benches no-one sat on, when he realised one of the benches was occupied. His first impulse was to call security. But as he approached he saw the figure was Kyle, lying on his back in the late afternoon sunshine, as if he was in his own backyard. He seemed to be unaware of Hux until Hux stood over him, blocking his light. He opened his eyes, squinting. 

‘Hey,’ he said.

‘Kyle. Ben.’ 

Hux closed his eyes. 

‘You’re never gonna get used to that are you?’ Kyle sounded amused.

‘What are you doing here?’ 

‘Carrying your books home?’

Kyle had one ankle resting against a knee and was swinging it back and forth. His smile was heart-stopping. Hux imagined him saying this to a girl at school, his hair too long, a few zits, a heavy metal t-shirt. 

Suddenly a whole hinterland for Ben unfurled in Hux’s mind’s eye – his family, his past – and he realised in that moment that Kyle had never been real to him, had never existed outside those hotel rooms and whatever fiction they had created there. The reality of it crashed in on Hux: this was Ben, a real person, with a life and other human connections, complicated and messy. Hux had never done this before. 

‘Hey,’ said Ben. ‘You ok?’

‘Yeah, I just. This is a little…’

Ben sprang up. ‘Too fast? I know. I don’t usually carry books home till the third date. I couldn’t wait.’ He regarded Hux matter-of-factly, squinting into the sun. 

He was impossible. Hux couldn’t remember how he’d met him, or how he’d got him, here, meeting him after work, as if they were … normal. 

‘Come on.’ Ben’s fingers touched his lightly, then they were gone. ‘Let’s walk. It’s a nice day.’

Hux let himself be led. There was a park nearby. Ben bought them coffee from a stand. They sat on a bench to drink it. 

‘So what do you do in that office? What does Oliver _assist_ you with? He’s cute, by the way. I’m jealous.’

‘Don’t be,’ Hux laughed, surprised. ‘He has a boyfriend, some tempestuous, on-off thing. I think Oliver is a bit hopeless about him.’ He was babbling, taken off guard. He pulled himself together somewhat and told Ben what he did – lobbying for various industries. It sounded dull. It _was_ dull, he supposed. He hated explaining it to outsiders. 

‘So you probably went up to City Hall sometimes, right?’ Ben had taken the lid off his cup and was absent-mindedly licking the inside of it. ‘They threw fancy parties for people like you.’

Hux shrugged, guessing where this might be going. ‘Once or twice.’

‘My mom made me climb in a monkey suit for them more than once.’ He squashed the lid back on his cup. ‘What if we’d met there?’ 

The thought had already crossed Hux’s mind. ‘I doubt we’d have hit it off.’

Ben looked delighted. ‘I’d have thought you were a stuffed shirt.’ 

‘And I’d have thought you were a spoilt prick.’

They regarded each other for a moment. Hux wondered if Ben was thinking the same as him: that these cartoons mapped pretty accurately onto their real first encounters. ‘Bet you looked good in a tux though,’ Ben said, leaning forward. ‘Hux in a tux.’ Ben smiled at the little rhyme. ‘Hey. Do you have any other names?’ Hux was beginning to get used to the way Ben free-associated. ‘Or did your mom call you Hux?’

Hux snorted. ‘No.’ He looked down into his cup, sloshed the dregs around the bottom. It would be cold if he drank it now. ‘She called me by my given name.’

‘Which is?’

‘Armitage.’ Ben’s eyes widened. ‘It is kind of a showstopper of a name. It’s why I don’t tend to use it.’

‘Ok,’ Ben said. ‘Hux, then.’ 

As they talked, Ben was tactile in a way Kyle had never been. He touched Hux’s forearm or knee when he was excited or wanted to make a point, not flirtatiously, but unconsciously, as if he was utterly at ease with Hux, as if they’d known each other for years. It was beguilingly intimate. If he wasn’t already, Hux would have been seduced. 

~

_Later, Ben pressed Hux up against a tree and kissed the breath out of him. Light fell dappled through the leaves over Hux’s hair and face, gold and green, and he looked like fall come early._

_He told Hux about the kids at the centre downtown. A couple of them were strong, and a couple of them were on the edge of real trouble, worse trouble than Ben had ever been in. He was going to haul them back as best he could._

_He was going to testify against Snoke._

_He was going to hold his mom at arm’s length, and try harder with his dad._

_He was going to take Hux to dinner, and to the axe-throwing range maybe, definitely to yoga. And eventually to bed again, his own bed and wherever Hux lived, and maybe the beach in the summer at night, the waves lapping at their feet, Hux’s sandy body rough against his._

_And never in a hotel room ever again. This made Ben think of vacations. Maybe that was something they could do too._

_Ben didn’t understand what Hux did for a living. It seemed pretty boring. It seemed like something they’d fight about when Ben understood it better._

_He snuck peeks at Hux as they walked, his breath catching at the red and gold of him. Ben didn’t care. He was looking forward to all of it._


End file.
